Planning to Become a Student or Live in America?

The other day, I ran into this post, “Culture Shock (a cultural guide for international students)” posted by a French blogger (oka Super Frenchie) who is an excellent writer and is presently living in America and has been since the 1980’s. My husband and I both watched the whole documentary and we both learned from it (even though we’re both Americans!) I highly recommend it if you’re planning to come to the US to study. The series of videos are also very humorous as well.

The only type of people that will definitely have a problem in the US will be those who are carting baggage from their own countries thinking that the US will “fix” their problems. We have a kind of saying in America that if you leave your country, you take ALL of your problems with you. Your problems will STILL be there no matter what country you decide to live in. If you are overly-cynical, have a closed mind, are a misanthrope, have severe mental problems, pessimistic, and the type that whines and moans about everything, you will be miserable here and probably not too well liked.

If you already have a pre-existing negative attitude about America and its people, don’t waste your time. America will be a living hell for you.

If you are coming to the states to just use this country for a single advantage that you cannot get in your own country, then you will be unhappy here.

And if you’re going out of your way to look for bad things, you will find them.

The “American Dream”? People more than often misunderstand the meaning of this term. The “American Dream” does not mean that you can just simply arrive here and become rich and live a life of happiness without lifting a finger. America IS a land of opportunities, but YOU have to make that happen. You have to be realistic. You cannot expect the American people and its government to make all your dreams come true. We will NOT spoon-feed you here – nor will we take you by the hand and make things “work” for you. Simply put, America has the dream and the opportunities, you must do the rest.

We are a country that believes in “personal responsibility”. If things aren’t happening as you want or expect them to, you must evaluate YOUR situation and make those changes on your own. This is not to say that unfortunate things won’t happen that are beyond your control. This is not to say that nice American people won’t sympathize with you or give you some help, either. Bad things WILL happen. Expect them to happen. But what’s important is that you must be able to distinguish between an occurrence that is within your control and one that is not. Your attitude can make all the difference in the world.

Know that you are not a hostage in the United States, and that you’re welcome to return to your home country at any time. We only tie-up, bind, and use whips and chains on our lovers, not our immigrants.

Learn a bit about the US before you arrive here. America has both good and bad. Get to know both to decrease the amount of “culture shock” before you arrive.

I lived in Japan for 6.5 years, and I made the decision to go there roughly three years before I graduated from college. Most of my friends were Japanese at the time. While they were happy that I chose Japan to be the place to live, some informed me of the ills to expect when I live there. And they did not sugar-coat it for me. I was armed with knowledge that even a text book or amazon.com couldn’t have offered me. My Japanese friends were realists. A couple of them were thinking that my plans of going to Japan were naive. By the time I had arrived in Japan, not only was I feeling “ready” but I was on my way to conversational fluency in the Japanese language.

When I got there, I stayed at my friend’s home for two months while I was shopping for a job and an apartment. At my friend’s home, only my friend could speak a tiny bit of English, but the rest of the family could not. They all spoke to me in Japanese ONLY for my benefit. I got a boatload of “tough-love”. I got a boot-camp degree in Japanese Culture. I’m not gonna lie. It was rough at times. When I moved off into my own apartment, I was able to be self-sufficient and didn’t really experience any dramatic cultural shocks. However, I did experience culture wonders! My initial plan was to stay there for two years. I loved it so much that I stayed over 6 years. Excuse my French, but Japan kicks ass! There will always be a part of me that regrets coming back to the US because of how well I was doing over there both in terms of having met the nicest people, fantastic friends, the best yoga teacher, an awesome job, good entertainment, and I had also been making a lot of money over there too (yeah… that’s an amerikkan thing… we likie money…). Interestingly enough, the Japanese people and American people have more in common than I could have ever imagined. The Japanese aren’t Americanophobic either.

Back to the topic: Do extensive research before you pack you bags to live in America. You may be judged because of the ethnic group that you come from, but then again, so will I when I go or move to another country. Being American in and of itself sets me up for attack across the board. This concept is not rocket science, people. As my British friend, Jeff, puts it —> “There are wankers everywhere”. Expect them.

You get back what you give. In SuperFrenchie’s blog, there was a posting about dispelling French myths. (There are just as many myths about French people as there are about Americans!) With that said, I was directed to this site (The Top Myths about Paris) which says something that should ring true for all countries including the United States.

MYTH #5: Parisians are unfriendly and rude.

Explanation: This myth couldn’t be farther from the truth, since the majority of Parisians are kind, helpful and friendly. Upon first meeting, Parisians can appear to be less casual and more reserved by North American standards, however, this does not translate to unfriendliness. Be aware that often what you put out is what you get back, so if Parisians are approached in the right way from the beginning, chances of a more pleasant interaction increase. An attempt to speak the language goes a long way with Parisians. Always begin a conversation with ‘bonjour’, especially when entering a store. Asking immediately, ‘do you speak English?’ riles many Parisians and will start you off on the wrong foot. Think about it, if foreigners are constantly asking if you speak their language in a country where English is the official language, then how would that make you feel? Use your best school French and have fun with it; Parisians love to correct and help people with their admittedly difficult language!

Hat tip: SuperFrenchi

The same rings true for America. If you act like an asshole, you’ll be treated like one!

America: The Land of the Free? That is a naive concept. To think that we are 100% free? We have more freedom of speech than most countries, though. Michael Moore, NAMBLA, and The Westboro Baptist Church (they don’t just hate gays, FYI… They also hate America, Canada, Mexico, Sweden, Ireland etc), are one of the most famous poster children for American Freedom of Speech. However, freedom of speech has its limitations and justifiably so. If you want to walk topless through the streets, you can go to Canada for that. Old freedoms that we were once used to, have unfortunately been stripped away from both the radical right and the radical left.

Yes, people will judge you on your beliefs. Yes, people will challenge your opinions. Yes, people may disagree with you harshly. A lot of people misconstrue the challenging of held beliefs to be a infringement on their “freedom of speech”. No! Freedom of speech goes BOTH ways. If you speak up, your audience has a right to speak back. Expect this.

You will see all walks of life here in the US and diversity in terms of ethnicity, thought, religion, upbringing, and values depending on where you live. I have explained this in more detail in the beginning of this post. Some states and cities are more diverse than others. There are plenty of Americans that are racist, but one thing that I find (based on my limited research, admittedly) unique about the US is that we’re a bit less openly vocal about our prejudices. While there are stigmas and stereotypes attached to ALL groups of people, you will find that it’s a bit easier to be fat, dumb, ugly, ignorant, have poor taste in clothes, unhygienic, to be driving around in a clunker, and in short, be as individual as you’d like to be. You will be less judged here as opposed to being an American carrying those “socially unacceptable” quirks into another country. Try being a conservative fat American wearing a cowboy hat with a Texas accent in another country (outside Eastern Asia)! You won’t make it. I’d place money on that. At least in America, you can join all the fat, greedy, neo-con-bible-thumping, capitalist, dumb, ignorant, lazy, loud, and obnoxious people here. You’re more than welcome.

Our first amendment also allows you to burn our flags and wave your own here. No problem!

You can be whomever you want to be in America. Expect that not everyone’s going to LIKE you. This is NOT a violation of “civil liberties”. This is opinion. And Americans, like any other country, have them. Stewart Lee in the UK said it well in this video toward the end:

“…some of the things that are great about America, namely “freedom of speech” and a certain kinda social equality in that everyone there is allowed to say whatever they want no matter how stupid and ill-informed it is, and I think there’s something noble about that, genuinely”. — Stewart Lee (director of Jerry Springer, The Opera)

With that said, we also accept (with welcome arms) the slender, the intelligent, the intellectuals, the nerdy scholars, the hard workers, the polite, the humorous, the athletes, the hotties, the homosexuals, the tolerant, the socialists, as well as the demure, quiet, and shy.

America is a perfect blending of ALL these groups. This is what makes America great. I’m not saying that it’s the best country in the world, but in terms of THIS type of freedom, I’d say this is a great thing.

Many Americans are prejudiced against Muslims. And by Muslims, I’m talking about even those moderate Muslims that are peaceful. BUT, you can still go to a 7-11 or many convenience stores and find a man wearing a turban. Most of us don’t really care!!

Here’s what is NOT free in America: You are NOT welcome to “freedom of speech” in private places or within privately owned organizations and the like. Just think about it this way: When you enter someone’s home, you go by THEIR “house rules”, right? Why? Because a home is someone’s PRIVATE property. You can be asked to leave if you act in a way that is unacceptable. (Obviously, this is not unique to America.) The same scenario applies to message boards, websites, blog commenting areas, companies, institutions, or private—anything. So, this also explains why your, “I hate fucking Americans – Death to America” group on Facebook got deleted.

Just remember, if you ever get confused about our 1st Amendment, the 1st Amendment addresses what the government cannot do:

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances.

America tops the charts among all the developed countries in the world as being the most violent and criminal. No other first world country has the same amount of crime, child abuse and sexual abuse rates. Teens have been having babies for the longest time. How can one expect them to grow up “normal”? I have no problem admitting that we are, in fact, a violent society. And because of this, in my opinion, we also can be superficial and shallow. A big portion of us are neurotic and some of us have odd ways of coping with our past and present dirty laundry bags. Americans, like any other people, are what they are because of “where they’ve been”. And because it is more likely that Americans will grow up in a violent or troubled family, it is also more likely that we may appear less desirable to not only other Americans but to those non-American as well. Am I making an excuse for these people? Yes and no. Yes, in the way that we have limited control all depending on the LEVEL (I can’t stress this enough) of trauma/stress (both past and present). And no, I’m not making an excuse for them in such a way that I HATE being on the other end of someone else’s idiocy. All I’m trying to say is that because of all the social problems we have in the US, you have to expect the people to be a bit weird on some level.

In your country, you may have been taught that all Americans are rich. Be prepared for a HUGE surprise when you get here.

In your country, you may have been taught that the “all-American-diet” is Coca Cola and McDonald’s. (Psst… It’s really hot dogs and apple-pie. ) Be prepared for another shocker. There are so many kinds of American foods. There are also international restaurants all over the place (even in my little “backwood hick town” in Texas). And there’s this little invention called the “grocery store” where you get to pick and choose what you want to eat and make it yourself at home. If you get FAT, that’s not our problem! You decide what goes in your mouth. I will say, however, that generally speaking, America isn’t made for walking.

In your country, you may have been taught that all Americans are lazy. I promise you. Once you get good and settled here and decide to work or wonder why your friends are too busy to talk to you as much, you’ll be complaining about how America works you and everyone else too hard!

Are we going to MELT YOU? I’m getting increasingly exhausted hearing from Americanophobic Canadians (who have never ventured south of the border to hang out for longer than a few minutes to fill up their gas tanks) that the US is a melting-pot and forces its belief systems on innocent, peaceful and vulnerable immigrants. That is a myth, and one that confuses me terribly. We are, in fact, NOT a melting-pot. We are a salad bowl.

Minority groups continue to create and nurture their own culture and maintain its uniqueness while being surrounded by a majority of people. They are able to do that nowadays. The American society therefore is best described as a big bowl full of different ingredients. They all make up the salad by being there, and the more the ingredients, the more the salad becomes rich and tasty.

We are not about full-throttle multiculturalism either. We are a blend of the two. Here in America you are more than welcome to retain your cultural heritage, celebrate it, read newspapers in your own language, eat your own foods and live how you’d like to live. Many immigrants moving to the US aren’t yet fluent in English, so they tend to make friends and live in close proximity with those from the same country. We don’t even have an official language here! There are people from other countries that have been here for 10-20 years that still don’t have a hold on the English language and some cannot speak it at all. We may appreciate your customs, but we may not want to live by your customs or learn your language. With that said, you are also granted with the freedom to speak only your language while refusing to speak English. I had to assimilate into the Japanese culture and the Japanese work-ethic in Japan. People from other countries are expected to assimilate to some degree here in the US.

And for the love of all that “holy”, YES (!)… you can get dual-citizenship here!!!

Celebrate the differences, people. Because at the end of the day, we are, in fact, all people. Come to America if you wish, but be realistic, do you homework beforehand, and have an open mind. I could go on, but there are plenty of resources on the web to further your knowledge points about America. Here on my blog, I have debunked a lot of myths that your media systems and your family have told you otherwise. I don’t pretend that America is perfect, but at the same time, it’s nowhere near as bad the way the media and rumors make it out to be.