I chanced upon your blog this evening when researching anti-Americanism. I am an American who spent the first 27 years of my life in Canada and have been back in the U.S. for over 10 years. I have so many good friends in Canada, but over the years many have fallen by the wayside because I just won’t tolerate their hateful attitude towards the U.S. and it’s citizens. I even get it from their children … enough said? “Strong and wrong” is unbearable to me.

Recently, one of those old friends sent me a rather hate filled Canadian Parody of the “Joe the Canadian” Beer commercial, wrongfully assuming that I would find it amusing. As a rebuttal, I send this tongue-and-cheek response, where I delight in pointing out the hypocrisy. I hope you find it amusing: he didn’t.

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MY NAME IS TIBOR ZITY AND I AM A PROUD
[insert name of third world toilet here] CANADIAN

-I am more educated and intelligent. I have a pompous opinion
about everything although I don’t DO anything — that’s the
government’s job. I picket the Government when my American
employer lays me off.

- I hate Americans but have never actually met one. I moved to
Canada because I couldn’t get into the U.S.. Canada is way
better, they’ll take anybody.

- I hate America but would gladly trade my first born for a green
card and a Florida condo.

- I get paid less and pay higher taxes but brag about free and
limited access to a second rate healthcare system. When faced
with critical illness, I seek medical attention in the United
States.

- I loath American culture but piss and moan when the state run
CBC doesn’t air Hogan’s Heroes reruns because of socialist
Canadian content requirements. I have an illegal Digital
Satellite hookup to DirecTV. I don’t watch the Beachcombers,
it’s too boring.

- I laugh at stupid Americans on Jerry Springer, then change the
channel to the “Trailer Park Boys”.

- I scorn American discrimination against African-Americans but
would disown my daughter if she ever started dating one. I’m
skeptical when informed that African-Americans live better than
I do and discrimination really doesn’t exist anymore.

- I naively brag that I can leave my doors unlocked at night and
the keys in my car. Yes, it’s true, I have nothing worth
stealing.

- I pay a dollar per liter for gasoline, even though my country
is sitting on the largest oil reserves outside the Middle East.

- I mock watery American beer but would gladly switch to Bud
Light if I could buy a six-pack for $2.99 at the gas station
around the corner on a Sunday afternoon.

Yes, my name is Tibor Zity and I’m a proud Canadian. I’m a slave to my government. I’m a brainwashed naive hypocrite.
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All kidding aside, recent conversations with Canadian friends has sadly forced me to conclude: I’ve outgrown them, and these are “educated” people. Clearly, education and ignorance can co-exist.